Telling people, I mean. Talk firmly, confidently, and "fast" and it seems to be a teeeeensy bit easier.
I do hate giving bad news though, and ruining my family's evening again.
My parents and sister now know though, so they can now start to prepare themselves for what is to come. All in all, it went well, but one of the things I found the hardest was telling my sister that she probably ought to have a chat with her GP in due course, once I have more information about the cancer itself, to find out whether she is also at risk.
Quite why I feel guilty I don't know. It isn't a contagious disease that one can pass on.
Well, apart from the fact of course that if it is a hereditary form of cancer my children will both be at risk as well. Now that I do feel awful about.
Would knowing that we might be prone to cancer have affected my decisions about having children? I honestly do not know.
Bearing in mind I shall be going onto Tamoxifen, I am incredibly grateful that we have been able to have two healthy children. Being on Tamoxifen suppresses Oestrogen and of course, you need Oestrogen to get pregnant. I will be on it for five years, which will make me nearly 39 by the time I am off it. I know that people have children in their late thirties and forties, but it will be too late for me.
By the time I am forty, I would like to be clear of this horrid disease, off the drugs, and planning a mid life crisis trip to Vegas.
Who's coming with me?