Sunday, 22 May 2016

I'm alive!

And home.

Sorry for not posting this last night but I was shattered. All went well, and everything went to plan, with all tissues removed sent off for testing but looking okay from the outside.

I had the most amazing treatment at the hospital - all the staff were fabulous, and as experiences go it has been an amazingly positive one.

I think I ended up going down to theatre at 2.30pm. I was having a nap when the anaesthetist came to take me down to theatre which wasn't ideal as I was a bit shaky and emotional, but then I probably would have been like that anyway. We had a couple of comedy moments en route, the first being the attempt to get the bed out of the room as it was a bit tight. I offered to get out and help but wasn't allowed! 😉

When we got down to theatre I will admit I began to get even more nervous and shaky, but the team we're great at keeping me calm, and the canuoa insertion (which I loathe to high heaven) was actually really good 😳. I don't remember much after that, as I went under pretty quickly in no time at all woke up in recovery, a bit shaky, emotional, and desperately in need of a hug, but after 15 mins or so of oxygen and talking to the nurse I was okay. My consultant and registrar, oh, and the anaesthetists popped in to say hello and goodbye (I was the last patient of the day) and reassured me that all had gone well, and after a while I went back to my room.

Being next to the maternity ward was a bit daunting, having just lost my ovaries as I felt a bit odd/different, and also weirdly under lots of pressure not to cry as I didn't want to upset anyone, particularly not the ladies wondering round in labour! I had a bit of a cry when I got back to my room, and was a bit panicky when I couldn't get hold of my husband Stuart so rang the friend where our children had been for the day and spoke to Lucy which took the edge off a bit. My other lovely friend, Bea, was at the hospital in the cafe waiting for me to come round, and shortly after me texting her was there for a much needed hug. Bea's husband had seen Stuart during the day, so could export back that he was fine and not worrying about me which was a relief.

Pain wise it wasn't too bad. The worst thing is the pain from the gas they pump into you (expands the cavity so they have more room to work) and of course the gas (CO2) takes a while to be re absorbed so when you move to become more upright there's a lot of pressure and pain in the shoulder/collar bone area which is really odd.

All in all, Bea and I had a lovely afternoon catching up. I went from being an emotional wreck to having verbal diarrhoea 😂, and managed to drink and eat enough to satisfy the nurses.

Eventually, I was discharged at about 8.45pm with a dose of painkillers, deptaparin injections (anti blood clotting agent) and lactulose 😳, and got home about half an hour later.

I didn't last long before going to bed, which was pretty uncomfortable (disappointingly) but managed to get a few hours sleep, but I have been up since 5am. Once the gas goes I will be much much much more comfortable, but it really is sore at the moment. My wounds are small and look fine under the dressings but due to their positioning I do look like I've been pronged with a big fork!!

I suspect I shall have a quiet couple of days before I'm back to serious walking with the dogs (😂😉) so will probably catch up on some reading and the pile of paperwork which is waiting for me.

I also have a job offer to consider - did I mention Friday's interview? Anyway, the offer was emailed through last night and I think that after a little tweaking I shall probably take it as the people I would be working for are really really lovely and it would be varied and interesting work with potential to work from home.

So, lots of positives already and it's only day one post op. It's certainly good to have something else to focus on.

Signing off for now, thanks for reading and putting up with me.

Rebecca X

Bye bye ovaries.....

....... And thanks for everything.

So. I'm here, at hospital, with ugly socks and "netty knickers" on (don't ask!), waiting to say adios to my ovaries.

It's our wedding anniversary - 12 wonderful years today we were just finishing up at the church before heading to Eastnor Castle for our reception, which was a truly wonderful day.

There have been lots of curve balls thrown in our direction, but we've dodged most of them. Other than fucking cancer, that is.

Yes, I am nervous, does it show? 😂

I'm aware I left a cliffhanger the other day - apologies for not using finishing off properly but I had to go in to my appointment and have been flat out running around ever since.

I had a biopsy under my tongue, and will find out the results in 2.5 weeks or so, after half term anyway. It bloody hurt and the stitches felt weird but at least it's done. Just have to keep my fingers and toes crossed now that they don't find anything.

Pre op tests all went okay, and I am just trying to keep my cool about having to have a GA as I'm still a bit of a wimp about this. I forgot to say good bye properly to the children today, which is giving me major wobbles. We dropped them off at a friends to play and they ran off to have fun, which is lovely, but has left me feeling guilty and sad that I didn't make a big fuss of them.

But, I'm going to see them in a few hours, SO, I will be fine and stop panicking, right?

I was slightly worried when the lovely (and quite hunky) registrar I saw on Friday told me I wouldn't be riding or running for 8 weeks, but the consultant this morning said nearer two weeks, so that is a big relief. Having just got my horse fit and in the groove, 8 weeks would have been a bit of a Bugger.

Have been entertained whilst waiting to go in by the fact that my urine test was "invalid" for pregnancy. Not negative (as it should be), but Invalid! After today there will never be another chance to have children, so I thought that being invalid was a bit premature. Only by 24 hours, but still.

I am wobbling about losing the major organs that make me a woman, but trying to remind myself that no one will be able to tell from the outside, and it isn't really that likely that I'll start growing a beard. Not straight away....

I'm going to sign off for now, but will catch up with you later and let you know how it went.

I am feeling a bit morose and scared of not waking up, so darling husband, if you're reading this and I'm not around any more, please remember how much I love you and our two gorgeous children.

Happy anniversary xxxx

Thursday, 19 May 2016

A year?

Just over a year since my last post? Bugger. I really did have great intentions about keeping you all updated.

All I can say is that a lot has happened since I last blogged. Some of it good, some of it bad - life, really - the never ending roller coaster has continued without pause, and I have to say that at times over the last twelve months, I really would have liked to have been able to disembark.

So, how to catch you up without writing 5000 words? Tricky.

Bullet points seem a little on the lazy side, but it really has been that busy I am seriously considering using them.

I think I shall make a list of the good and bad, then extrapolate further in a few more posts else it will get messy.

Good things that have happened since last May:

I'm still alive (and healthy I hope)
Husband, children, animals - all healthy 
I ran the London Marathon and have raised £1500 for Children with Cancer UK
I have a place to run the Great North Run and the London Parks Half

Bad things that have happened since last May:

I got made redundant by my employers of 11.5 years (prepare to hear lots of bitching about this in due course as I'm still rather heartbroken about it)
We have had to de- stock our pig herd 
I'm trying hard but really struggling to get a job - too qualified in one sense and under qualified in others, plus I seem to go for the really popular jobs with about 100 other applicants.

I'm trying to keep the list of bad things short. After all, family, friends and health are the most important things. 

I can, I suppose, add to the list of good things with something to balance the lack of work issue - mainly that I am finally having a bit of time to rest, properly, see my family, and actually enjoy my horses, dogs, farm etc. Could just do with a few more pennies really.

The only real downer at the moment is that I am currently sitting in my local hospital waiting for an appointment with the Oral Health team due to a worrying white patch under my tongue. I am then off to a pre op appointment as I am having my ovaries out on Sunday.

Sunday? Yes, apparently - the hospital is rather stretched.

Notice? No, I didn't give you much, but then I only got 9 days notice myself.....!

So, I'm a bit of a basket case at the moment.

The oral health appointment is terrifying. I mean, really, really terrifying. My history has rather scared my dentist (she found the white patch, I didn't know it was there), and it has only taken 6 days from referral to appointment.

I don't know whether to be pleased that I haven't had to wait long, or scared that they think it actually might be cancer.

Permission to say