Birthday cake, baked and iced. Cake for staff at work, done. Cake for husband and children tomorrow so they actually have one to eat (the poor deprived souls), done, Lasagne x 3, done and 2 in the freezer... And so it goes.
As you can tell, my back is feeling better today. I can actually stand up, which helps a lot.
It is now 11pm or thereabouts and I haven't really relaxed all day. Hopefully I shall go to work tomorrow, as we will be neck deep in baked goods otherwise.
I think, after the last few days of relative inactivity I have grasped the opportunity to be useful in an attempt to keep my mind off the inevitable. My op on Saturday is fast approaching and I am getting nervous. In fairness, the GA last time was fine, and I didn't shake afterwards which I usually do after any anaesthetic, but still, the fear is there about not waking up.
I also hope that if there is any cancer left that they get it all this time. I may have said this before, but in less than two weeks we will know how bad it is, and how far it has spread into my lymphatic system. If it has at all - it is entirely possible that the remaining nodes will come back clear and have been removed for nought. Fingers crossed.
I have been trying to explain to my parents and others in my family who shall not be named, that the Drs weren't being inept by not doing the full clearance last time, they were trying to save me unnecessary surgery that has a 1 in 6 chance of causing Lymphodoema, which sounds rather unpleasant. In fact, judging by how odd my arm has felt over the lag two days I suspect that I have a touch of it already.
On that basis, I am doubly delighted that I have been randomly selected to take part in a local trial which effectively means I shall get extra therapy and training in simple lymphatic massage as well as other support, to try and ensure that I don't develop Lymphodoema or, if I do, that it can be managed so as to cause as little discomfort as possible.
Blindly, I am starting to feel the strain though.
We have a few things going on at home on the farm too, and as a result my condition is most likely going to become very public, which is slightly scary. It is for the greater good, but still, the control is going to leave my hands. Thinking laterally it is only a matter of time though, really, seeing as I will be starting chemo next month. There isn't much chance of me being able to hide it for that much longer.
Sorry, I know I am being extremely cryptic!
So, the world will start to know from tomorrow, or today as it is now morning! I'm going to make the best out of a bad situation and other than having a few more small panics, I will organise a Charity haircut and just giving account and start raising money.
Watch this space for more details.