Tuesday, 18 September 2012

I'm a Chocolate teapot

.....short and stout.....

Well, maybe not that stout, but "chocolate teapot" is about how much use I feel I am at the moment, anyway, at work.  I have the concentration span of a gnat and am all over the place, emotionally. Not that surprising, but it is so not me. I hate it.

I hate sitting at work, trying to organise everyone and everything for when I won't be there. 

Everyone has been lovely, my boss has been very kind and supportive, but thinks I am nuts for trying to work between now and my operation. Am I? I don't know. I am just desperately trying to feel normal but that just isn't going to happen, not really.

I still don't have an operation date, which is frustrating. I have contacted my consultant and asked about paying for the operation privately, which he is loathe to let me do as I dont have  insurance. I used to but cancelled it a while ago and although I'd thought about getting it again I hadn't gotten round to it. Whoops. 

What I have explained to Mr Pain is that I am anxious that we don't have too long a delay for fear of letting the damn disease spread any further. I know the breast cancer tumours are out, but what if it is being pumped around my body and starting to spread? He is still pushing for a surgical date, but can we get one before the end of next week? I genuinely do not know.

I probably sound like a total hypochondriac but I just cannot help it. I am a one woman pity party tonight, sorry.

It is the waiting. It is driving me mad. Hopefully, it is only temporary. The cancer and the insanity both.

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