Wigs....

I had a wig fitting today. It was......interesting?

The youngest came with me, which was fun - he was rather entertained by me trying on different hair and was constantly asking "what's that mummy?" each time I tried a different wig on! Based on how I thought I looked in a wig, I thing that what he was really trying to say was "Mother, what in all the blazes do you think you have on your head? You look ridiculous, remove it at once."

Darling boy, I quite agree. 

To summarise, the wigs I tried on today felt:

• Heavy
• Hot
• Itchy
• Tight
• Unnatural
• Weird

The "hair" was also very static and flyaway, which was horrid, but also felt greasy at the same time as all the wigs were synthetic. I know that none of them are going to look or feel like my hair (pre pinkness and cutting) but I didn't expect to look like I was in drag.....

I did ask about the price of a wig made with real hair, but they are £400 or thereabouts, and that's only for one with shoulder length hair.... vain I may be, a millionairess I am not.

Does this mean I'm going to try the cold cap? Probably not, but it does mean that I shall have to consider being boldly bald and bearing all for a few months. I know I can wear hats and scarves, and I might even give them a try, but I have an overwhelming urge to just be me, whatever I look like, all the way through the treatment.

Unless I get really fat of course, at which point I shall hibernate and see you all next summer! [joking]

Anyway, I shall try a few more on - there's someone up the road who has an amazing reputation for wig fitting, and doesn't have a cosy NHS contract so may well have more choice....(therein lies another story)..... so there is hope.

Surprisingly, being bald doesn't scare me any more. It was one of the main things that occurred to me and concerned me when I knew I would definitely have to have chemo, but I have either become braver or more practical about the whole thing. After all, it will eventually grow back right? 

Survival. That's the thing that is at the top of the list now. Beating it, making sure it never comes back. That's the only thing I am determined to focus on during my treatment. 

I am sure I will falter and doubt myself and my ability to get through everything, but my intention is to try and remember my bravado now every time I throw up, feel fatigue, and even when my nails drop off (as my oncologist is so sure they will) and try and remember that all the side effects in the world will be worth it.