Tuesday, 13 November 2012

The bedtime from hell

Also known as: "I think my son may be angry with me"....

The smallest has been doing really well with not being breast fed any more. After my bone scan, I could have fed him again as long as I expressed and dumped first, but I chose to wait and see what he did i.e. don't offer and don't refuse, to see whether he might take the opportunity to wean himself....

The bone scan was on the Monday night,  and he didn't ask again until the Tuesday night/Weds morning? Awful though it sounds, bearing in mind how upset I was about having to stop, I don't entirely remember. Let's call it Wednesday - most likely early hours. So, I fed him, enjoyed the cuddles and left it at that to wait and see what he did. Thursday and Friday he fed a couple of times, then got a horrid chest infection and vomited due to gagging on phlegm for several days, so didn't really want anything except water and still then didn't actually ask for a feed. 

The week after, he was physically a lot better, and didn't ask for a feed until the following Wednesday and I just told him that I was really sorry, but there was no more milk left, which seemed to work. 

The next weekend involved a vomiting bug (poor little boy) and he couldn't even keep water down for nearly 2 days, and milk was the worst thing for him to have so asking for a feed wasn't an issue. 

I thought we were in the clear, until this weekend just gone. The smallest ended up in our bed in the early hours of Saturday morning, and I ended up feeding him in my sleep...whoops.... 

He asked once on Sunday, and I trotted out the party line again, and he was fine with it, or so I thought, although I did get bitten on the back of the leg, which I think was a slight fit of pique/temper, but gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Tonight was a DISASTER.

Bathtime went as well as it normally does, with some highs and lows but no one drowned. We went to have stories in the smallest's bedroom and he started to cry, so I gave him a cuddle which sort of help, and he ended up trying to cling to me like a limpet , so my husband took the biggest to bed, and came back to see how I was getting on.

Basically, it didn't go well at all. I hoped that he would have a cuddle and go to sleep, which isn't unheard of. I tried everything including standing up and jiggling, jogging, swaying etc - all of which used to work when he was little.

It was so so horrible - he just seemed so angry at me, climing all over me, and he just seemed so frustrated.

Eventually I had to give up and let my husband take over. He tried to settle the smallest for a couple of minutes upstairs then brought him downstairs for some milk and the chance to reboot the system, which seemed to work. A quick cuddle from mummy on the sofa, some milk, and a cuddle in bed with daddy and fortunately, he's now passed out in bed, nearly an hour after we started the process.

Horrific. I really hope never to have to go through that again. 

I'm sure my son will forgive me one day, I just hope it is one day soon....


  1. Oh sweetie it is so hard - not least because all of you are having to learn new ways to do bedtime, soothing and so on

    It will be ok, he won't remember this in a couple of weeks and long term he definitely won't hate you


  2. Exactly what MA said. This is a hard time made much harder by your circumstances. I remember going through similar when Ellen stopped feeding and I didn't have an iota of what you're facing to deal with - it was still an emotional roller coaster. x

  3. Thank you both. I stayed well away from bedtime tonight so it went a bit better. Big sighs. We'll be okay, it just hurt last night.

    R xx