Second Hospital Appointment - Part 2

As you've gathered by the fact I'm on part deux of the 2nd hospital appointment, it was a very long day.

With mugs of tea in hand we sit and receive the mammogram results with the consultant. On the side with the lump, there are micro-calcifications all over the place - over all four quadrants. Normally, this wouldn't be considered as a huge problem but for the presence of the lump. Effectively, this means that I'm going to have to have a mastectomy. This is a lot of info to digest in aout 4 hrs bearing in mind I was in denial at 10am, sure it would be nothing.

The other major concern is the swollen node - they're very worried that the cancer has spread - hence the thorough prodding about.

The other news is that on the left hand non lumpy side, there are 3-4 micro-calcifications present. Again, not usually considered a problem but for what is going on on the other side. So, the next thing to do is to have a mammogram guided biopsy of the calcifications in the left breast so that we can definitively know whether or not the cancer is in both breasts.

By the way, cancer gets easier to say every time you have to say it, although I hope you never do.

I think by this time it is about 2.15. A long day and we've only just begun.

Mr Pain explains roughly how the mammogram guided biopsy is done and it doesn't sound pleasant. We're about to book an appointment to come back the following Wednesday when Mr Mason pops his head round the door to say that if I don't mind waiting I can have it done today. It's a no brainer really - if I get all the tests done today then I'll know next week and we can get an appointment for the mastectomy that I apparently have to have. Shit.

Apparently I was very brave, but I didn't feel like it. I just wanted to sob.

So, we wait for the room to be free and eventually it is. My husband isn't allowed to come in as it is quite a small room, so it's just me, another lovely nurse and Mr Mason.

Have you ever had a massage? You know the hole in the table for your face to go in? Well, imagine that hole further down the table and a bit bigger - basic but effective in it's design, that's where my breast has got to go. 

You then get raised up to nearly ceiling level and the mammogram machine is underneath. If it weren't for the gravity of the situation is would be comical.

I'll spare you the majority of the details. It's incredibly clever, but time consuming and uncomfortable. I was there for about 90mins, pinned in place and numbed with lots of local anaesthetic (which unfortunately wore off towards the end for the last stab), warned not to move, whilst the biopsies were being taken. 

They had to stop part way through to do a mammogram on the needle contents to make sure that they capture enough of the micro-calcifications and eventually we were there.

I was finally released, and the nurse admitted that they've never done this to someone who is breastfeeding - milk and blood everywhere. It took a long time to patch me up and stop me bleeding, and I think it took a couple of hours before the machine was finally sterile again! 

I was shattered at the end, but we went and had a final chat with Mr Pain my consultant. Both he and the Breast Care nurse, Kit advise that I ought to stop breastfeeding which at this stage is the straw that broke the camel's back. I know it's a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but in effect this will be the first tangible effect that cancer has on my family. 

Exhausted and extremely anxious about the results, we leave. 

I don't think I've ever been as upset I was that day, or exhausted. We manage to get home, get the children (who've had to be picked up from nursery by my mother in law as we were stuck at hospital) and put them to bed. I'm also in quite a lot of pain from the biopsy under my arm, so paracetamol and ibuprofen were taken regularly. 

I spent a lot of time with my DW Mafia (thank you guys) trying to rationalise everything and trying to work out what the hell to do about breastfeeding my son. He's two in October, so yes he could do without, but that's not the point. My daughter fed until she decided she had had enough, and self weaned and I had always intended for my son to do the same. 

I spoke to a breast feeding consultant who advised not rushing into anything - quite rightly, as we had a whole week to wait for results and any op would be at least 2 weeks after that, so I could carry on as normal in the meantime.

Normal. No. Normal will never really apply to me again.