First hospital appointment

For the first hospital appointment I wandered up to the hospital on my own having told the office that I'd be back by lunchtime. See - more ignorance.


I sit, I wait, I'm seen on time by a lovely registrar. So far still very impressed with the NHS. All very clean, etc.


The Registrar confirms there is a lump, confirms it's impossible to tell what it is and why it is there, but on the basis I've breastfed on and off for approaching 3.5 yrs (which suppresses Oestrogen levels - from what I gather Oestrogen "feeds" some types of cancers) it's unlikely to be anything nasty.


I nod sagely and agree, but we agree I'll wait to be scanned as a precaution. All very sensible. Just what I'd want for one of the horses.


So, I sit and I wait and I appreciate the fact that they are fitting me in - the clinic is hectic. I wait with a lovely young man (I'm over 30, I can just about get away with being patronising about someone's age if they look younger than me). Said young man is clearly extremely nervous, so we exchange smalltalk and I lend him my paper. 


I'm seen pretty much last, which is fine - as I said, they were fitting me in which I was very grateful for. 


When I'm called through, I disrobe, lie partly under a towel and await the radiologist. When he comes in we have a general chat and a laugh as it is very rare that they get to scan breastfeeding women, so a student comes in for a look too. At this point, I feel that I'm being helpful to the medical profession on the whole which gives me a warm feeling inside, as I'm a bit of a breastfeeding lactivist on the side.


Anyhoo, the next "joke" is the query as to "whether this one works" as the lump is quite dense and not vascular. Still being blissfully ignorant I confirm that it works but we compare it to the other one anyway, and the difference was quite remarkable - you could see the milk clearly on the left hand side but not the right. Actually very fascinating.


So, we decide to take a biopsy to check the lump out which seems very sensible. At this point, I'm less relaxed because I hate needles but still unconcerned because after all, if it was cancer it would have a big fat neon light pointing to the fact on the screen, wouldn't it? I'm a slow learner to start with. Bear with me, I catch up.

The radiologist (Mr Mason, I think) also says that one or two of my lymph nodes are swollen which is a concern although this can also be a by-product of breastfeeding but again, to be sure, we'll take a sample.

Again, I agree - this is just what I would want done for the horses. 

So, the needles come out, and with the help of some very efficient local anaesthetic I have some samples taken.

I'm warned that there might be a milk fistula due to having to take a sample from my breast - turns out I might leak, but this is of no concern. In fact, I'm sure at this stage that if it happens my son will find it hilarious.

I then get dressed and head back to the waiting room to see the Registrar again.

Now, I've said I'm a slow learner - what I did very quickly learn even in my first hospital trip is that if the number of people that come to see you in an appointment increases, it's generally not a good thing.

When the Registrar comes to get me, I am introduced to a Breast Care Nurse as well, and at this stage something akin to panic starts to set in. 

The lovely Registrar admits that they are all rather worried about me and for the first time I actually have to come to terms with the fact that I might have cancer. 

The first thing that comes into my head is "I can't have cancer: I'm only 33 and I have two children under 4yrs old". Turns out, you can. 

Classic denial at this stage, fuelled by the fact we need to wait a week for test results. Lots of tears. 

Long story short, we call my office and tell them I'm having the rest of the day off, and call my husband asking him to come and pick me up from the hospital as I don't think that driving is a good idea. Whilst I wait in the nurses office I try not to look at all the leaflets by Breast Cancer Care and MacMillan, let alone the Mastectomy Bra catalogues.....