Post op angst

I feel physicaly fine, so really I have nothing to complain about. No pain, very little swelling, a few bruises, but I was expecting them. 

I'm quite surprised really, bearing in mind how much pain I had after the lymph node biopsies - it is a huge relief. Not that I am allowed to do anything. Feeling better doesn't allow me to lift or move my arm above 90 degrees in cease I damage myself without realising it.

I must stop complaining and count my blessings!

The children are coping really well, and our weekend and my daughters birthday also went well. 

My poor husbands back is terribly sore which is making life for him rather difficult but on the whole, we are coping. I rang my office this morning and they are all fine but stressed and finding deadlines hard to meet. I think they will be okay though, I can't get stressed about it, as I have been "banned" from going in....I will have to have words with my boss. I know it is just because he cares, but it is rather frustrating.

I am feeling anxious again about not having anything to do, but I have been helping my husband with some farm related paperwork which is keeping me slightly occupied. I have also been doing a lot of walking, certainly about five miles each day, and I am feeling the benefits of that.

Slight weirdness this afternoon though. I had noticed after I got in from my walk this morning that my month old mastectomy scar had started to leak from a tiny point in the middle. It looks like a bit of scab (sorry for all the details) has softened and gone whitey yellow which is allowing liquid to seep through, which is pinky yellow. I am also feeling a little rough with a headache so popped up to the doctors and ended up with an antibiotic just to make sure there is no infection.

I am probably being over cautious, but having rung Macmillan, as I couldn't get hold of my breast care nurse, they said to get any change checked out, so I did.

I feel like a bit of a fraud though. Normally, I consider myself to be quite robust, but I don't trust my body at the moment. I is like I have lost a bit of faith in myself and am trying to second guess every little thing.

I am determined not to become a worry wart or hypochondriac, but there is a lot to learn about managing my health again. Well, at least it feels like it. 

I don't want my life to be revolve around trips to the doctors. 

Oh. 

A bit late for that, isn't it!

On the plus side, I did have a lovely catch up with someone I haven't seen for a while, which was great. She also had great things to say about my consultant as her husband is also a doctor. Apparently, all surgeons are bastards, except for Mr Pain. He is the exception, which is good to know. 

Tomorrow, theoretically, I am going to go to a fashion show hosted by Keeping Abreast, which looks like it will be excellent fun. Fun is needed at the moment. Nearly as much as sleep!

For the rest of tonight, I shall be calling people I haven't spoken to in a while to tell them what is happening.  I have alluded in former posts, things are going to become more public than I would necessarily choose to make them, so I need to tell certain people before the smoke signals get too far.

If nothing else, I want to sort out my just giving page and start raising money for my charity haircut, and the longer I have to do that the better.