....... And thanks for everything.
So. I'm here, at hospital, with ugly socks and "netty knickers" on (don't ask!), waiting to say adios to my ovaries.
It's our wedding anniversary - 12 wonderful years today we were just finishing up at the church before heading to Eastnor Castle for our reception, which was a truly wonderful day.
There have been lots of curve balls thrown in our direction, but we've dodged most of them. Other than fucking cancer, that is.
Yes, I am nervous, does it show? 😂
I'm aware I left a cliffhanger the other day - apologies for not using finishing off properly but I had to go in to my appointment and have been flat out running around ever since.
I had a biopsy under my tongue, and will find out the results in 2.5 weeks or so, after half term anyway. It bloody hurt and the stitches felt weird but at least it's done. Just have to keep my fingers and toes crossed now that they don't find anything.
Pre op tests all went okay, and I am just trying to keep my cool about having to have a GA as I'm still a bit of a wimp about this. I forgot to say good bye properly to the children today, which is giving me major wobbles. We dropped them off at a friends to play and they ran off to have fun, which is lovely, but has left me feeling guilty and sad that I didn't make a big fuss of them.
But, I'm going to see them in a few hours, SO, I will be fine and stop panicking, right?
I was slightly worried when the lovely (and quite hunky) registrar I saw on Friday told me I wouldn't be riding or running for 8 weeks, but the consultant this morning said nearer two weeks, so that is a big relief. Having just got my horse fit and in the groove, 8 weeks would have been a bit of a Bugger.
Have been entertained whilst waiting to go in by the fact that my urine test was "invalid" for pregnancy. Not negative (as it should be), but Invalid! After today there will never be another chance to have children, so I thought that being invalid was a bit premature. Only by 24 hours, but still.
I am wobbling about losing the major organs that make me a woman, but trying to remind myself that no one will be able to tell from the outside, and it isn't really that likely that I'll start growing a beard. Not straight away....
I'm going to sign off for now, but will catch up with you later and let you know how it went.
I am feeling a bit morose and scared of not waking up, so darling husband, if you're reading this and I'm not around any more, please remember how much I love you and our two gorgeous children.
Happy anniversary xxxx