Wednesday, 15 May 2013

So, the Moon Walk!

I did it!! 26.2 miles in 6hrs 45mins, which I am over the moon with. Literally.

I know that the time isn't important in the grand scheme of things but you know me by now - I'm competitive, and beating the time of 7hrs 30mins that I set myself to do the walk in has given me a huge boost. I think that marathons might be addictive actually, as I am considering signing up for the Edinburgh Moon Walk in a few weeks as they have some spaces left. Totally crazy? Only time will tell.....

In honesty, I think that the real stars of the night were the volunteers - it was soooo freezing cold I was glad to be walking at speed. How they managed to stand in one spot, cheering us on for hours on end I don't know. Amazing.

I also set myself the target of getting back to Norfolk for a Christening on Sunday, which gave me just over 2 hrs from finishing the walk to catch a train from Liverpool Street back to Diss, and I'm relieved to say I managed that too, and even had time for breakfast. 

The baptism service was beautiful and very life affirming. I feel rather lost at the moment, and the chance to sit down in church and think about God and all that religion offers was much needed, which is one of the main reasons for trying so hard to get back in time. That, and, of course, not wanting to let friends down.

I don't know how I feel about God at the moment, in honesty. Much of me hasn't gotten over the anger at being diagnosed with cancer in the first place. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm not a bad person. I don't understand though how or why really nasty people (sex offenders, murderers etc) are allowed to walk around and not suffer with illness, when some of us have to go endure a cancer diagnosis and all that entails.

I suppose that, at the moment, the thing that I am really searching for is hope, and perhaps it is religion as well as science that can offer it to me? Who knows. All I know is that Sunday's service has soothed my soul a little for now.

I also met with my consultant on Monday to discuss Herceptin. Everything looks to be going ahead as planned. I had a blood test last week which has come back with normal cell counts etc, and the heart scan I had on the same day has shown that my ejection fraction is slightly lower than it was at 57%, but much better than before I started chemo, so the Ace Inhibitors are doing their stuff quite nicely.

We went through the list of side effects which was fun. I think that my biggest worries are regarding my heart, and the possibility of joint pain - having managed to get over the Taxotere hangover quite quickly, I don't want to be as sore as I was in March - well, not if I can possibly help it anyway.

So, I should get my start date through in the next week, and it's likely that I'll start the Herceptin in May/June and probably get two sessions in before we go to France in July.

Tonight I went to a Keeping Abreast meeting which was very interesting, and also got to see results of breast reconstruction, which was fascinating. The results are amazing, but I'm still in so many many minds about whether it is what I want to do it feels like I'm in a whirlpool. 

I definitely want another mastectomy, and I'm almost 100% sure I'd like my ovaries out too, but whether I can find the time (which probably sounds daft) to have such a major operation(s) I don't know. 

All in all I'm okay. Just a bit over wrought at times, and stressed about starting the new treatment.

The Moon Walk was such a thrilling and exhilerating thing to do - I can highly, highly, highly recommend it. We have raised £1,767 so far - I think there's a bit more that has been pledged but not yet donated, and judging by the number of times I got my name in the paper/was interviewed on the radio, we have raised a lot of awareness too.

Angelina Jolie made the headlines this week by announcing that she has had a double mastectomy and reconstruction in order to reduce her risk of having breast cancer, which has raised the profile of the disease significantly, and hopefully, will encourage people to check themselves more often, and go to their GP, even if they think they are too embarassed to talke about their breasts.

After all, no one has ever actually died from embarassment, right?

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