I am a bad blogger.....

...... so before I begin, many apologies for the lack of regularity in my blogging. I hope you're all well and not snowed in or frozen.

We've had a busy couple of weeks - I've been to work a few times, I've got a few things done for my husband, I've actually felt well enough to play with my young horse Bunny.... and so it goes.

Scarily, we're 7 days away from Chemo No 4 and, rather annoyingly, I'm starting to get nervous again. 

I'm changing drugs next time, to Docetaxol (Taxotere) from FEC. Hopefully, this drug won't make me as sick as I was on the FEC, but I shall certainly be asking/begging for the same anti sickness drug as I had last time in order to make sure!

The downside is that I've got to take the steroids this time, to try and avoid too much fluid retention, and I am dreading this. It's only for 3 days each time, but I can't get my brain round it. I am not ready to balloon, I really don't think my confidence, or lack thereof, can cope with it.

As it is, we went to a party on Saturday night and I ended up so unsure of what to wear I asked my wonderful Twitterati for help!

What doesn't help is that I've got a socking great mouth ulcer at the back of my mouth, and a horribly sore throat, so I'm definitely under the weather. I'm still planning to run my auction and sell on Friday, but I might not have a voice by the end of it.

Lack of body confidence in so many ways - totally daft, but I really don't know whether I should push myself as much as I normally do, or whether I should be "saving my strength" for chemo. 

This is so not me, at all, and I'm finding it very frustrating. Normally, I wouldn't even consider going to the Doctors for a sore throat, sore ears etc, but "normal" doesn't live here anymore.

So, what's on the cards next week? I FINALLY get to see the cardiologist, which I am "looking forward" to, as this will hopefully give me a few answers as to how I can live my life, whether I can take up running, and properly exert myself like I used to. Well, within reason at the moment anyway.

Trying to be positive all the time is tiring, but I seem to be pulling it off, which is a relief. I was even complimented on my hairstyle on Saturday night, which was rather nice.

I keep reminding myself that I'm halfway - perhaps I should start putting post it notes up round the house with affirmations and positive statements on? It would vertainly entertain the children anyway.....