Happy New Year!

Wow. That came around quickly, didn't it?

I'm still here, plugging away.

I've been rather down though, as it happens. I am told it is normal and to be expected, but constantly being on edge, not sleeping and being weepy at the drop of a hat is a little annoying.

Lots has been happening, which explains my absence I hope.

Alex's funeral was heartbreaking, much like Claire's earlier in the year. Another full house I am pleased to say. An uplifting ceremony in the church that she was christened in only 30 yrs ago. Dammit, it isn't long enough.

So, I said that lots has been happening. 

Well, we all survived Christmas.  The children were lovely, most of the time, and it was great to see my parents.

I have had one or two things of a gynae nature checked out which appear to be side effects of the tamoxifen. I had been hoping that it was early menopause (never thought I would say that!) but apparently not. Hey ho. One more simple procedure, and hopefully things will start righting themselves. The only plus side of the whole thing is meeting another lovely consultant, who is mad keen on antiques, which meant that he and I had lots to chat about.

I have survived my last two herceptin drips, which means I have five left. The end is nearly in sight. I have an echocardiogram booked for 10th February so some positive vibes on that date would be much appreciated!

I had a couple of issues with my port last time which is worrying me in advance of next weeks drip. It was really hard to get blood out of the port which was scary. Everything seemed to go in okay, but although the nurse was trying to play it down, there will be ramifications if things don't improve next time,

I seem to have loads of appointments booked at the minute. Genetics tests, cardiology appts, treatment, updates with my consultants, and a session with a psychologist to boot.

Long story short I am a little stressed, and I really can't make up my mind about reconstruction so it's time to seek help. My poor brain has had enough and I am fed up of living in fear, so I need to come up with some coping strategies and work out a plan for 2014.

I have signed up for the Paris marathon in April (walking), and the Moonwalk in May so the training for both of these will keep me occupied. 

Putting one foot in front of the other seems to be about all I can cope with just now.